If He Knew
by NCISgirl1527
Summary: Mac reflects on their latest case, and how his own life might have been different if he had realized sooner the true nature of his relationship with his best friend. Mac/Stella. Set after Do or Die.


**Okay so I was once again inspired by the events of this week's episode and started thinking how things might relate back to Mac and Stella. Anyway this was the result of my musings. Of course I would be shocked if no other Smacked fan went where I went, but this is what I came up with. It makes assumptions about Stella's departure…I'm going to stop rambling now… Enjoy.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Mac, Stella, or Jo**_

_**Spoilers: The 34**__**th**__** Floor, Do or Die**_

"I wonder if he knew," Jo remarked as she and Mac walked away from the mess of students congregated around the cop cars.

"That his partner was capable of murder," Mac replied, unsure if he was posing a question or a statement. On the one hand it was hard to believe anyone would suspect their friend of being capable of murder. On the other hand…if there was one thing he had learned on this job, it was that anyone was capable of anything.

"That his partner was in love with him," Jo corrected him.

"If he did he's a better man then I am," Mac muttered under his breath.

"Sorry didn't catch that," Jo told him with her usual light cheerful attitude.

"It's nothing," he replied automatically, and after a moment's pause Jo nodded. She knew that pressing the subject was pointless so she let it drop.

"Well," she told him finally, "I have places to be. So I will see you tomorrow."

"Alright," Mac replied slightly distractedly as Jo departed, "see you then."

"It's nothing," he repeated the words again almost as if testing them to see if they were real, but as soon as he spoke so he knew he should not have done so because it was many things, but it was most certainly not nothing.

He had worked with the same partner for almost twenty years. They had known everything about each other. They understood each other without a single word being spoken. In every respect, they made a great team. They might well have continued working together for another couple decades if not for one thing: he had completely missed every hint that there was anything was changing in their relationship. In the end, it had taken her flat out telling him the truth, for him to realize that his partner had been in love with him for over a decade.

Now of course he could see all the signs of it. He could see how she had hung closer, and how she always seemed to smile when he walked into the room. He could suddenly understand the sideway looks their coworkers had cast at both of them. Unfortunately, it was only hindsight that was twenty-twenty. If he had seen those things before maybe something would have been different, but he didn't. She had done everything short of telling him what was going on, and he had completely missed it. So finally one day last summer Stella had given up and told him what she had been hinting at for years.

Mac could remember the night clearly. It had been late July, and the night was pleasantly warm, which was a nice change from the stifling heat of the proceeding week. He and Stella had gone out to dinner at one of their favorite restaurants, and then gone for a walk in Central Park. Suddenly she had turned to him and in only a few sentences she had explained everything. He could still remember every word, and without warning his mind began to replay them in a voice so clear and crisp it was as if Stella were standing right beside him.

_"There's something I need to tell you," she said quietly, "and don't interrupt me because I need to say this." There was a pause, but Mac did not dare to speak. "I'm in love you with you. I've been in love with you for over a decade. I'm tired of pretending otherwise."_

_Mac was shocked, and for a few moments he could not say anything. Finally he managed to ask the admittedly tactless question that had immediately popped into his mind, "Why now?"_

_"I've been offered a job in New Orleans," she told him with a shrug, "If you don't feel the same way or don't want do anything…I can take that job." She paused again. "I hate to ask you to make that choice, I really do, but I can't live this way anymore. It's killing me."_

_"Stella," Mac said slowly, "I care about you…you know that, but I'm just not sure that…" his voice drifted off, but Stella did not need him to finish._

_"I understand," she told him, "I'll tell New Orleans I want the job."_

Within two weeks she was gone, and it was only then that Mac realized the truth. He loved her too. They had worked together nearly twenty years, nine of those being after Claire's death, and never once had he even considered he might be in love with his partner. No, it was on the day that she walked out of his life forever that he finally realized it.

It killed him to know that he had destroyed any chance they might have had together, but more than that he hated that he had broken her heart. He could still remember, and doubted he would ever forget, the look of pain that had flashed across her eyes when he had told her no. She had offered him her heart, which he knew she did not give lightly, and he had shattered it. What kind of person did that make him?

Mac shook his head. There really was not much point dwelling on the past. He could not change it even he tried because he had let her walk away…that was the other thing that really bothered him. When she had told him she would take the job in New Orleans, he had not truly believed her. For some reason he had believed that she would stay anyway because he needed her in his life. However that selfish belief had proved to be mistaken as well.

Still over the past year he had come to realize something. It was not that she had really wanted to go because if she had she would not have asked his opinion. No, it was just that he had made it impossible to stay.

And all of that made Mac wonder… How would it have been different if he had known?

_**Did you like it? The conclusion was a bit weak in my opinion, but it could have been a lot worse… Please review. **_


End file.
